Dating Curve

Ortega Highway – one of the most beautiful roads in North America and one of the most dangerous. The 25-mile drive over the mountain pass has breathing taking views followed by some of the most treacherous curves I’ve ever experienced.

No matter how often I drive this splendid piece of pavement, I will never be able to predict what is on the other side of that curve. Yesterday, it was another victim.

I hear it all the time, “I should have seen it coming.” No, I’m not talking about the unexpected circular bend in the road but a devastating curve in a relationship: an affair.

We get complacent and relaxed after we travel down the same road day in and day out assuming we know all the curves that could prove to be hazardous. We think we know every inch of the road and feel confident we can handle it. Then one day, the curve throws you…another curve, something or someone you never saw coming.

The fact is all the signs were there, plenty of advanced warning wearing neon yellow. How did you miss this? Friends and family warned you over and over but still you were clueless as you came around the corner of clarity. Too late to choose another more predictable route. Too late to prepare for what was around the bend. Too late to slam on the brakes and save your relationship from certain death.

Here is what I have learned – the curves will always be a threat. You can’t remove them on the road of relationships. You can however pay attention to the signs and recognize that some roads are much safer than other. Roads lined with self-control and integrity, not roads lined with self-satisfaction and deceit.

How often does the scenic route become the path of despair? Is there a relationship route that will guarantee faithfulness? Maybe the best we can do is to map out our journey and see if there might be a straight road to travel with a little less excitement perhaps but a better chance of survival.

Thoughts?

Mama j

Black Ice Dating

I hope she makes it home safely. It’s snowing and the roads are covered with ice. She isn’t a very experienced driver at 17 but I still let her journey out into the tundra praying she wouldn’t hit a sheet of black ice that looks like dry pavement.

Did I tell her how to respond to a skid? Should she turn the wheel with the skid or against it? Was this covered in Driver’s Ed or is it simply “learn as you go?”

How do parents teach their teens everything there is to know about driving conditions and dating relationships? Both roads lead to hazardous situations that we can’t predict. Both driving and dating can go from safe to scary in 47 seconds flat. Will my daughter be able to use her head to avoid disaster or will she be frozen with fear. Will my son recognize that he is accelerating at a dangerous speed and know to slow down?

Just because we aren’t sitting in the seat beside you doesn’t mean we stop instructing you on driving conditions. How often then should we be addressing the manner in which you are handling your relationships?

My daughter may have passed Driver’s Ed but every day is another test. Maybe I have drilled “cautious dating” into her head a thousand times but every day will be a new opportunity for her to get that right or wrong.

Weather and traffic conditions prompt us to remind our teens to be safe on the roads every single day. How often should we evaluate our teen’s relationship safety and recognize that dry pavement could be black ice? Do you know how to avoid a catastrophic skid?

Thoughts,

mama j

Enough is Enough

Dead battery? Fuel pump? Distributor cap? Why the heck won’t my car start?!

Standing next to my car, dead in the back of a dark parking lot, I was examining my options. Push it. Tow it. Leave it.

There comes a point when you have to decide how much more you will invest. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Have you really examined whether or not you would be better off starting fresh? Have you taken a close look at the value of what you are investing in?

The facts don’t lie but it isn’t always that simple. A good car should give you many miles of a smooth ride. A good relationship should do the same. Sure, there will be repairs needed along the way but for the most part, the headaches (and heartaches) should be few and far between; the recovery time short and sweet.

Each one of us has a limit – a point at which we know that it is time to move on. Sometimes looking back, we find that we put ourselves through far more agony than we needed to before cutting our losses.

Maybe it makes sense to decide BEFORE the next breakdown how much more you will endure instead of deciding in the midst of a crisis. Use your head. Write it down. Sign the commitment to follow through while you are calm and composed, not when you are faced with making an immediate emotional decision.

When is enough, enough? Set the limit and decide today.

Though,

Mama j

Technology Trap

Run a red light, even burnt orange in California and a high-tech camera takes a picture of your license plate so that the police department can send you a ticket. Crazy. No officer within miles. The camera doesn’t lie. Laws are enforced. Technology can sometimes be your worst enemy. You were dead wrong when you thought you wouldn’t get caught.

Recently, a young man in our town thought he wouldn’t get caught either; “sexting” two underage girls didn’t just leave tangible evidence on the cells phones but could possibly prove “without a shadow…” While police officers assumed the identity of the two girls, he chose to “run that red light.” When he thought no one was watching, technology turned him in.

Right now, you may be conjuring up excuses in your mind as your defense, “But I was late for work!” “The guy in front of me did it!” “She gave me the green light to text her!” Bottom line, there is no excuse that will get you out of this one. You can hire the best lawyer around and chances are you’re still going to pay. The ticket? $150.00. The sexting? 15 years. Busted, no do over. This IS the age of technology. Use it wisely.

Thoughts?

mama j

Best Choice

What do you mean you bought us a car?!

Here we stood in the driveway, my sister and I staring and the Army Green (and rust) Plymouth Satellite clunker completely dumbfounded.

That is NOT what we had in mind. How could our dad go so completely wrong in his choice for the perfect car for my sister and me to share? What happened to the red Italian Spider convertible?

I made the same mistake when I chose the “perfect” boy for my daughter to be friends with at school. On the outside, he was clean and well put together. He came from a great “line” and had all the “options” built in: polite, talented, good grades and of course…cute. I knew what she needed; I had parental wisdom.

My daughter wanted nothing to do with him. That was not her first pick (or 247th pick either for that matter.)

Time would tell. And what it told me is that I can’t force my kids to like something (or someone) no matter how hard I try. Their individual taste is out of my control; I couldn’t make my daughter like scallops, the color pink and especially the friends I had chosen for her. Did I really believe I could make her fall in love with the car I had in mind or date the adorable “boy next door” someday? Not going to happen.

As it turned out, the boy I wanted her to be friends with ended up being, well, scary. My dad’s choice in cars? Ditto.

Maybe the lesson here is that as much as we (parents) THINK we know what our teens need or want without their input instead can prove to be a big mistake. Giving teens the room to choose with guidance, coaching, and a hint of research might have better results than expected. Asking your parents for their opinion could be just the perspective you need.

Thoughts?
Mama j.

She's so HOT!!!

What could be better than driving a convertible in Southern California with the warm ocean breeze blowing your hair and the sun on your face? Sounds divine, right? Well, there is a point at which “hot” takes on a new meaning.

My car is adorable, metallic blue with a black top. The “idea” of driving this hot little car around town made me giggle with anticipation. The reality was, however, that this particular car has no air conditioning and on my first day of driving the temperature reached 105. Not fun. Trapped inside this sweatbox with no escape from the ball of fire in the sky turned my cute little ride into a torture chamber. I wondered why I didn’t just get out; the heat was relentless. Even complete strangers were looking at me with pity (and a touch of “are you NUTS?”).

For some of you, this might ring a bell – maybe not with a car but with a “hot” date. When you first saw her, she took your breath away. Three months later, that cute little chassis was tormenting you with “heat” you were not counting on. Nagging, controlling, belittling heat. And yet, you sat there suffering through the agony as if you had no other choice, as if you were locked inside this relationship with no escape.

Here’s the big news flash – in any car (or relationship), the locks are on the inside and there is a way out. It was by choice that I stayed and put up with the heat. Not a smart choice, by the way. Right there in front of me were much cooler options: air conditioned restaurants with cold iced tea, the mall with cool air and a roof to block the sun, home, with a frig and hammock.

Even if I simply pulled over, parked the car, got out and sat alone under a tree I would have been better off. There is a point at which each of us decides we can no longer take the heat. What does your temperature gauge read?

Thoughts?

Mama j

Repo-Man

I had the “opportunity” to drive a car that was being repossessed. A friend gladly loaned me the car so that it would be “off the radar” when the Repo-Man came to their house to haul the vehicle away.

Great idea; park it in a different place every night, always watch to see if you are being followed and make sure you don’t drive alone just in case a big-bad-man with the bald head and missing teeth asks you to step out of the car.

Many teens have “ex’s” that pursue them the same way a Repo-Man would follow a car owner who is avoiding payment. These stalkers are often hiding around the corner, under-cover and determined to get what they came for.

As a parent, this would top the list as one of the biggest fears I have for my children. The reality is, as a teen, you don’t have to necessarily be in a relationship with the Repo-Man for him to pursue you. He may just be on the hot trail to steal you away regardless of any enticement or influence. That’s bad enough. But what if you have been in a relationship with a girl or guy that insists on getting you back? Period. No discussion, no dissuasion, no discouragement.

While getting the real Repo-Man to back off when the property he wants does not belong to him, being stalked by an old boyfriend or girlfriend is not only frightening, it is simply unacceptable. There is a reason and a warning when the Repo-man is about to take back your vehicle. There is no good reason and very little warning when an individual decides to target you personally.

The fact is, you probably won’t get a letter in the mail or a phone call giving you the head’s up. You may not know it’s coming. You probably won’t even know you are being watched. But others will.

So, if someone mentions that a girl is obsessed with you or some boy is aggressively pursuing you, then listen. That might be the only “notice” you get and the price is too high to ignore the warning.

Thoughts?
Mama j