Dating Curve

Ortega Highway – one of the most beautiful roads in North America and one of the most dangerous. The 25-mile drive over the mountain pass has breathing taking views followed by some of the most treacherous curves I’ve ever experienced.

No matter how often I drive this splendid piece of pavement, I will never be able to predict what is on the other side of that curve. Yesterday, it was another victim.

I hear it all the time, “I should have seen it coming.” No, I’m not talking about the unexpected circular bend in the road but a devastating curve in a relationship: an affair.

We get complacent and relaxed after we travel down the same road day in and day out assuming we know all the curves that could prove to be hazardous. We think we know every inch of the road and feel confident we can handle it. Then one day, the curve throws you…another curve, something or someone you never saw coming.

The fact is all the signs were there, plenty of advanced warning wearing neon yellow. How did you miss this? Friends and family warned you over and over but still you were clueless as you came around the corner of clarity. Too late to choose another more predictable route. Too late to prepare for what was around the bend. Too late to slam on the brakes and save your relationship from certain death.

Here is what I have learned – the curves will always be a threat. You can’t remove them on the road of relationships. You can however pay attention to the signs and recognize that some roads are much safer than other. Roads lined with self-control and integrity, not roads lined with self-satisfaction and deceit.

How often does the scenic route become the path of despair? Is there a relationship route that will guarantee faithfulness? Maybe the best we can do is to map out our journey and see if there might be a straight road to travel with a little less excitement perhaps but a better chance of survival.

Thoughts?

Mama j

Too Good to be True

My husband and I went to a lovely wedding last week. Over 200 people dancing and celebrating the beginning of what we all hope will be a beautiful marriage. The food would have made Martha Stewart proud and the music kept my toes tappin’ in my “too-tight-wedding-only” shoes.

At one point the DJ asked all married couples to please make their way past the dessert table to the dance floor. As the couples young and old began to slow dance, the DJ would intermittently ask each pair to leave the floor if they had been married less than one year, two years, five years…you get the idea.

Each year was like a mile marker than flashed through my mind as a representation of how far we had come. Settling into year one, just getting comfy. Year three, a bump (called a baby boy) was a bit of a surprise but did not take us off course. Year seven marked the beginning of some restlessness and cloudy days. Year eleven, refreshed and working together to get where we want to go.

When I decided to take this relationship journey with my husband, we took a road and a route unique to use. We would have good days, bad days and all those in between but without those many miles, we would not be where we are to today – well seasoned travel companions.

The twenty-one years we have been together are counted in years not months. As important as the first months were to find compatibility, they are not the measurement of how far we have come.

When teens meet their “dream date” and start planning a wedding after six weeks, I respond with the wisdom that I have gained on this relationship journey. “It’s not too GOOD to be true, it’s too SOON to be true.”

Let me know when you get to mile marker #53.

Thoughts?

mama j

My goose is cooked!

So a teenage girl in our community was pulled over yesterday for speeding. She had two girls that she was babysitting for in the backseat taking notes. They are nine and six years old. Nice. Then, my neighbor calls to say some teenager leaving my house was driving so fast that he almost hit a flock of geese.

First, let's talk about the speeding thing. If you break the speed limit " just a little bit," are you really breaking the law? If you break your curfew "just a little bit," are you really breaking the rules? Do you think other parents will trust you to be driving or dating their teen if they can't trust you to follow the rules?

And then there is the eye witness thing. You just never know who has you under surveillance and is assuming you will be on the 11:00 news. Whose little eyes are watching you and learning about "obeying the rules?" What adult eyes are following your every move and not afraid to turn you in when they get the chance?

See, you can break driving laws and you can break dating rules; it's your prerogative. But that car door swings both ways. It is, in fact, the prerogative of my neighbors to pick up the phone and report what they witnessed from their front porch. And those little girls in the back seat? Do you think you aren't going to be the topic of conversation at the dinner table? Speeding may not be on your driving record but how do you know it didn't damage your personal record?

Before you go racing off into the sunset with the wind in your hair and your date riding shotgun, you might want to check your speedometer before your goose is cooked.

Thoughts?

mama j

Possession Obsession

Bucket of suds and an over-sized sponge – what a way to spend Father’s Day – washing and waxing your most prized possession. Have you ever been curious about people who obsess over their cars? What drives them to spit-polish the mirror every time they go for a spin. Or spend 2 hours with an Oral B toothbrush cleaning the rims.

Makes you wonder how they would be on a date. What if you had a piece of spring leaf lettuce in your teeth at lunch? Or the sweater you were wearing was hanging slightly crooked? I can just envision an uninvited adjustment to make all things perfect…at least visually.

When someone is that fixated on the condition of something, is it possible to ever relax enough to simply enjoy the “something?”

Maybe before you venture into a relationship with an individual, it would be a good idea to pull up a chair in the driveway and watch this potential date wash their car before you end up as the object of their "possession obsession."

Thoughts?
Mama j

Under Insured

Have you looked at the bill for your car insurance lately? Every month, I like to rip the bill open with thrilling expectation in the hopes that my insurance company is going to throw in cruise tickets with the premium I pay for my teens. Nope.

Is there any doubt why teen insurance is two and a half times that of your parents? Reckless abandon with a splash of false immortality – that’s how some teens drive.

So here’s a question for you, how many opportunities do you have in a week to crack your windshield, hit a mailbox or worse, get in a car accident? Plenty, right? Then how much more likely is it that you have a “relationship accident?” Think about the opportunity you have every day to make a “wrong turn” when it comes to the opposite sex. What do you think your parent’s should be willing to pay for “dating insurance” to give them the peace of mind that their little darling is not going to be in a relationship wreck this month?

Hey! Maybe I’m onto something! A new business idea; I can sell “dating insurance” to cover all the hazards of teen dating. The list could include everything from failing grades to excessive cell phone bills. It would be comprehensive coverage that insured migraines, dating under the influence, pregnancy, harassment and even time off of school for “repair and restoration.”

The best part? I would throw in a “loaner date” when the one you invested in broke down and isn’t going anywhere.

Thoughts?
mama j

Give Me a Brake!

“That should solve your braking problem, ma’am,” as he handed me a bill for $260 bucks. I paid the bill and wondered if this would be a permanent fix – yea, right.

Last week, I almost rear-ended another car when my brakes failed. Apparently, the brake pads need to be changed more than say, once in a lifetime.

So this got me thinking about “brakes” and dating. How many times a month, week, day do you consciously (or unconsciously) use your brakes in a relationship? Do you stop short of saying what’s on your mind? Keep yourself from accepting an invitation to trouble? Bring an unhealthy relationship to a dead stand still?

Here is what I know; it has to be your OWN foot that hits the brake – not the other guy. Your brain sends a message to your body to act on the fact that braking is necessary in that moment. If you choose not to respond to that message, you are apt to regret it. When you fail to use your brakes, the police officer doesn’t give you a break on the ticket, right? So why do you expect to get a break when you choose not to brake in a relationship?

After you have been driving for a while, braking is instinctive. How long do you have to date someone before you have a safe braking response that just comes naturally – without a thought?

Thoughts?
Mama j

Mother's Day Moment

Hmmm…What does your mom want for Mother’s Day?

After careful consideration, there is only one thing I truly want as a mom – for my kids to be safe and healthy. I took care of the healthy part years ago by cooking pot-roast in the crock pot instead of aluminum foil. Now, I only worry about their safety.

It started well before they were born. Prenatal vitamins, safety locks on the cupboards and a crib with rails that was FDA approved. Now, their safety is much less controllable; will my teen driver be safe on the road? Will my teen dater chose someone who will protect her heart, body and soul? Will my son drive recklessly or date recklessly?

The box of Elmo Band-Aids has faded and gathered dust over the years. I remember when a scraped knee or broken bone was my biggest daily concern. Now, there is no box of bandages big enough to patch up the fears we have as moms of teens. All we ask is that our babies travel the safest possible road and guard their lives at every turn.

What does your mom really want for Mother’s Day? The chance to tell you one more time to go slowly and look both ways…

Thoughts?
mama j