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In July, 2010 we moved down the road but we are super easy to find and would love to have you over for a visit!
Just click on the "Dater's Ed" link and you will be redirected to our new site where we are picking up speed helping all kinds of people make better dating and relationship choices with our FREE "1-Minute Weekly Tune-up"

http://www.DatersEd.com

See you soon!
Mama j

The Lug-nut Doesn't fall far from the tree

What’s in a name? As in Chrysler? Honda? Ford? Or Smith?

If you are familiar with the name, it probably evoked some sort of response when you read each one: “Chrysler-struggling” “Honda-dependable” “Ford-aggressive” “Smith-self-centered”

See, here is the thing; the “manufacturer” or parents can be a pretty good indicator of what they put out “on the showroom floor.” There is a reason you steer clear of the Toyota Dealership and would have no trouble taking a closer look at a BMW. There is a lot to be said for a name. Chrysler is the manufacturer; Sebring is the model.

Let me drive it home...Josh is the model and Smith is the manufacturer. Josh has parents that had a reputation long before he fell from the family tree.

The point is, when you buy a car, you put some consideration into who made that particular model. You don’t just discount the manufacturer.

The same goes for dating. How will you research the background of those who “made” Josh who he is today? How do find evidence of self-control, dependability, good decision-making and compassion? Are those options or standard features that come with every model?

Next time you meet someone, put a bit of time into finding out who produced this hot-rod. You might find the lug-nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Thoughts?

Mama j

http://www.DatersEd.com

Reflector Reminder

Thump, thump, thump, thump….such a rhythmic reminder. I just love those little reflectors in the middle of the road that let me know I need to pay attention. Small but effective, I seem to snap right out of the trance I am in - instantly aware of how far I have drifted over the line. How many “thumps” does it take for such a gentle nudge to bring me back to reality?

“Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out!” Maybe not as gentle but certainly enough to recognize that you have crossed a boundary. Are you constantly teasing her about her laugh? Are you nagging him repeatedly about being on time? Do you feel that little “thump” on the back of your head when you tick someone off? Pay attention! There are people around you that your words and actions have an effect on. It shouldn’t take five or six warnings for you to realize that you have crossed the line.

Here is the question: when you do finally wake up, does your apology come in the form of an immediate correction back to your own lane and a humble hand wave to the other person you offended? Or do you respond with a different kind of hand gesture because someone honked the horn when you ran him off the road? Who’s at fault here?

In the world of relationships…especially dating, the apology comes in the form of sincere recognition that you have stepped over the line and that you won’t do that again. Accept responsibility; be humble and authentic. Let those little reflective “thumps” set you straight once and for all. Otherwise, the next “thump” might be painful.

Thoughts?

Mama j

Dating Curve

Ortega Highway – one of the most beautiful roads in North America and one of the most dangerous. The 25-mile drive over the mountain pass has breathing taking views followed by some of the most treacherous curves I’ve ever experienced.

No matter how often I drive this splendid piece of pavement, I will never be able to predict what is on the other side of that curve. Yesterday, it was another victim.

I hear it all the time, “I should have seen it coming.” No, I’m not talking about the unexpected circular bend in the road but a devastating curve in a relationship: an affair.

We get complacent and relaxed after we travel down the same road day in and day out assuming we know all the curves that could prove to be hazardous. We think we know every inch of the road and feel confident we can handle it. Then one day, the curve throws you…another curve, something or someone you never saw coming.

The fact is all the signs were there, plenty of advanced warning wearing neon yellow. How did you miss this? Friends and family warned you over and over but still you were clueless as you came around the corner of clarity. Too late to choose another more predictable route. Too late to prepare for what was around the bend. Too late to slam on the brakes and save your relationship from certain death.

Here is what I have learned – the curves will always be a threat. You can’t remove them on the road of relationships. You can however pay attention to the signs and recognize that some roads are much safer than other. Roads lined with self-control and integrity, not roads lined with self-satisfaction and deceit.

How often does the scenic route become the path of despair? Is there a relationship route that will guarantee faithfulness? Maybe the best we can do is to map out our journey and see if there might be a straight road to travel with a little less excitement perhaps but a better chance of survival.

Thoughts?

Mama j

Black Ice Dating

I hope she makes it home safely. It’s snowing and the roads are covered with ice. She isn’t a very experienced driver at 17 but I still let her journey out into the tundra praying she wouldn’t hit a sheet of black ice that looks like dry pavement.

Did I tell her how to respond to a skid? Should she turn the wheel with the skid or against it? Was this covered in Driver’s Ed or is it simply “learn as you go?”

How do parents teach their teens everything there is to know about driving conditions and dating relationships? Both roads lead to hazardous situations that we can’t predict. Both driving and dating can go from safe to scary in 47 seconds flat. Will my daughter be able to use her head to avoid disaster or will she be frozen with fear. Will my son recognize that he is accelerating at a dangerous speed and know to slow down?

Just because we aren’t sitting in the seat beside you doesn’t mean we stop instructing you on driving conditions. How often then should we be addressing the manner in which you are handling your relationships?

My daughter may have passed Driver’s Ed but every day is another test. Maybe I have drilled “cautious dating” into her head a thousand times but every day will be a new opportunity for her to get that right or wrong.

Weather and traffic conditions prompt us to remind our teens to be safe on the roads every single day. How often should we evaluate our teen’s relationship safety and recognize that dry pavement could be black ice? Do you know how to avoid a catastrophic skid?

Thoughts,

mama j

Enough is Enough

Dead battery? Fuel pump? Distributor cap? Why the heck won’t my car start?!

Standing next to my car, dead in the back of a dark parking lot, I was examining my options. Push it. Tow it. Leave it.

There comes a point when you have to decide how much more you will invest. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Have you really examined whether or not you would be better off starting fresh? Have you taken a close look at the value of what you are investing in?

The facts don’t lie but it isn’t always that simple. A good car should give you many miles of a smooth ride. A good relationship should do the same. Sure, there will be repairs needed along the way but for the most part, the headaches (and heartaches) should be few and far between; the recovery time short and sweet.

Each one of us has a limit – a point at which we know that it is time to move on. Sometimes looking back, we find that we put ourselves through far more agony than we needed to before cutting our losses.

Maybe it makes sense to decide BEFORE the next breakdown how much more you will endure instead of deciding in the midst of a crisis. Use your head. Write it down. Sign the commitment to follow through while you are calm and composed, not when you are faced with making an immediate emotional decision.

When is enough, enough? Set the limit and decide today.

Though,

Mama j

Technology Trap

Run a red light, even burnt orange in California and a high-tech camera takes a picture of your license plate so that the police department can send you a ticket. Crazy. No officer within miles. The camera doesn’t lie. Laws are enforced. Technology can sometimes be your worst enemy. You were dead wrong when you thought you wouldn’t get caught.

Recently, a young man in our town thought he wouldn’t get caught either; “sexting” two underage girls didn’t just leave tangible evidence on the cells phones but could possibly prove “without a shadow…” While police officers assumed the identity of the two girls, he chose to “run that red light.” When he thought no one was watching, technology turned him in.

Right now, you may be conjuring up excuses in your mind as your defense, “But I was late for work!” “The guy in front of me did it!” “She gave me the green light to text her!” Bottom line, there is no excuse that will get you out of this one. You can hire the best lawyer around and chances are you’re still going to pay. The ticket? $150.00. The sexting? 15 years. Busted, no do over. This IS the age of technology. Use it wisely.

Thoughts?

mama j