More than "One Way"

Panic, confusion, revelation. You can’t believe this is happening and yet the signs were there, larger than life. “One Way” with a big fat arrow. No mistake, just a touch of arrogance and carelessness that landed you in this predicament.

What now? How do you turn around and go back the right way? People stop and stare with a blend of judgment, pity and recognition on their faces – they’ve seen others do the same. They know how you got there and with a glance of “I told you so” they watch to see what you will do.

Relationships have rules just like driving. You can ignore the rules with the confidence and ignorance that you know a faster, easier or better way to get where you think you want to go only to find yourself facing the masses heading in the other direction. What do they know that you have not yet figured out? What makes you think you can break the rules and not end up in a predicament?

If you want to be creative, different and not follow the traffic of people that obey the signs, you will have to pay the consequences. Sure, you might get away with it a time or two when no one else is around but eventually, you will end up in a jam. There are rules of the road. Do you want to end up going the wrong way down a clearly marked one-way street? There is still time to turn around.

Thoughts?
mama j

Plan to Fail

Imagine going to Driver’s Ed and the instructor never leaves his desk, hands you the car keys and says, “I don’t have anything planned for today, do whatever you want.” Would you feel like you are getting the practice, education and exposure you need to be a responsible driver? Why then do you walk out the door to go on a date with no agenda, no plan and no idea what you are supposed to be learning?

Segment Two in Driver’s Ed is all about the experience…with supervision. A healthy, fully developed adult brain over the age of 25 is sitting right there in the seat beside you, the jittery teen, making sure your emotions don’t run you into the neighbor’s mailbox. The goal is to expose you to every possible driving scenario with an instructor that will equip you for the open road on your own someday. What are the tools we can give you that will help you to learn to drive or date more intentionally? Is it all in the head knowledge and everything can be taught from a book? Or do we buckle you up and allow you to safely experience some of the thrills and fears of the actual hours logged?

There is a great quote that sheds light on the pathway to responsibility when it comes to both dating and driving. “If you fail to plan, plan to fail.” These words of wisdom only work when put into action. What plan do you have in place to make your dating exposure have the best possible outcome?

Thoughts?
mama j

Under Construction

What’s up with perpetual construction on the freeways? Orange barrels dented and thumped from months of standing guard as the watchmen for the never-ending asphalt trucks and busy workers. Don’t they ever rest? Nope.

Freeways are high maintenance – so are some dates. Have you ever noticed how a particular boyfriend or girlfriend seems to be “under construction” for months, even years at a time? What’s up with that? Every few feet there is another blatant warning that you will encounter a slowdown or bottleneck in the flow of your relationship. You find yourself exhausted from a constant state of “alert” and white-knuckling for hours on end. In an honest moment, you tell yourself it’s just not the way the trip was supposed to be. And yet you drive on not knowing where it will end.

Here’s the good news. There is always another way. Always. You do not have to go down that road. Sure, that was the plan but you don’t have to wait until you have close encounter with rebar and wire mesh protruding from broken concrete before taking the next exit. You can pick another route. Really, put on your turn signal and give it a try – you might actually find that you like the smoother, quieter option.

Thoughts?
mama j

Snowed - again

Yesterday it snowed almost six inches in six hours. Cars in ditches everywhere. Freeway frenzy.

The funny part about blizzards is that it seems to bring out the best and the worst in people. On one hand, you have stressed out loved ones urging, pleading, even screaming about the impending doom. On the other hand, you have friends and neighbors leaving the cocoa on the counter to traverse the tundra just to push you out of a ditch.

There will be times in your dating relationship when everything goes white and you end up in a really tough spot completely helpless and dependent on others. So who do you call for help? Who do you have on speed dial that will give you relief not grief? Your parents who will hiss, “We told you not to go out!” Your brother or sister who wants to know “what’s in it for me?”

Here ‘s what I’ve learned. When your wheels are spinning and you are stuck all alone, take a minute to think about what got you there in the first place. Was this something you could have avoided if you had listened to the crowd of people that know you the best? Were they right in their prediction that this kind of thing was bound to happen?

Sure, this can happen to anyone without warning but most of the people I meet in the ditch had plenty of warning from those who could see the storm brewing. They just chose not to listen.
So go ahead and call your friends to push you out of the mess you’re in. But next time, turn up the volume and listen to the warnings you ignored the last time.

Thoughts?
mama j

Are you guilty of "datejacking?"

I don't ever remember having to worry about someone wanting to steal my car. It was a 1971 Army green Plymouth Satellite with a custom dirt and rust camouflage pattern. Most people took one look and either laughed or gave me a pitiful look that read "Oh, you poor sweet girl! Driving that piece of junk will really ruin your reputation from which you will never recover."

Even if I had owned a little red convertible, I doubt I would have been worried about carjacking. It just didn't happen back then. We didn't put the roof up much less lock the car doors. Now, you have to "Club" your steering wheel just to drop something in the mail box.

Carjacking is basically stealing something that doesn't belong to you. It is an intentional override of boundaries, morals and good judgment. If you think about it, teen relationships often follow the same thought process. Maybe Josh didn't care that Kristin "belonged" to his best friend. Abby was just waiting for an opportunity to steal Tyler when Jamie wasn't looking.

Carjacking may be terrifying in the moment but as long as you come away unharmed, you are one lucky soul. "Datejacking," on the other hand is often devastating to a teenager far beyond filing a police report, especially if they go to school with the perpetrators.

Do you consider "datejacking" a crime?

Thoughts?
mama j

Michigan potholes

I talked with a high school student today who had a bit of difficulty with her car after hitting a pothole. I was expecting her to tell me that she got a flat tire but the damage was well beyond repair. It seems she broke the axle and the tire was lying on its side like a boneless chicken! Tough to drive that way, I'm sure.

Kind of reminds me of when couples hit a bump or pothole in their relationship. Maybe she caught him looking at another girl. Maybe he found out she was at the movies with friends when she said she was home sick. Maybe, there was a crater-sized lie that was uncovered.

Potholes in dating might only send your sunglasses flying across the dashboard or on the other hand, cause enough damage to total the relationship. Here's the point; you have to watch where you're going. From your perspective, the hazard might look like a pretty insignificant flaw. To your date, it might be more than enough to deflate any hope of reconciliation.

It is pretty easy to take a smooth ride for granted until we come to that place along the road that jars every notion of comfort. Be alert and avoid potholes. They can really change the mood.

Thoughts?
mama j

Fan the flames

Now, I have nothing against beautiful artwork - even if it is on a human being. Clothing styles, hair styles and even manicures can and are used to reflect of individuality. Even tattoos can be well done...In my opinion. What I recognize however, is that not everyone likes what I like. We all have different tastes and appreciation for a variety of art forms.

Let's look at tattoos as an example. You can tattoo just about any part of your body with a plethora of images, graphics, colors and shapes. You can permanently represent a family member, a football team, a flower or a gang sign. Regardless of what you choose to display on your skin, others will judge you based on that artwork. It changes who you are. It can't be helped. The problem is, it doesn't wash off.

So how do you that the tattoo you have your mind set on is a good choice? What research have you done? Do you know if your first interview for a job will end abruplty when the CEO sees your "sleeve" peeking out from under your shirt? Have you Googled the iguana you have chosen to see if it is the symbol of a drug cartel in Columbia?

This is not like an ugly green dress that makes you look fat or a haircut that causes people to gasp. Tattoos are permanent. What would happen if you had a practice run instead of the real deal? Maybe a really good fake "mock-up" that could give you a glimpse of the response before it's too late? Take a poll, get a survey, have people anonymously send you a note that describes their reaction. How would that change your decision?

I once had a boyfriend break up with me over a haircut. How many girls or guys will erase you from the potential "date list" when you come to school sporting flames. Other kids might think is cool to look at but that doesn't mean they'd date you.

Lots of people think the flames on this van are cool to see but if you had to choose one car - would it be this one? Your marketability is now next to nothing. Good luck.

Thoughts?
mama j