Very few teens fail Driver's Ed - millions fail at dating

Hop in! We've moved...

2010-07-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

Hey! Thanks for stoppin' by!

In July, 2010 we moved down the road but we are super easy to find and would love to have you over for a visit!
Just click on the "Dater's Ed" link and you will be redirected to our new site where we are picking up speed helping all kinds of people make better dating and relationship choices with our FREE "1-Minute Weekly Tune-up"

http://www.DatersEd.com

See you soon!
Mama j

The Lug-nut Doesn't fall far from the tree

2010-06-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

What’s in a name? As in Chrysler? Honda? Ford? Or Smith?

If you are familiar with the name, it probably evoked some sort of response when you read each one: “Chrysler-struggling” “Honda-dependable” “Ford-aggressive” “Smith-self-centered”

See, here is the thing; the “manufacturer” or parents can be a pretty good indicator of what they put out “on the showroom floor.” There is a reason you steer clear of the Toyota Dealership and would have no trouble taking a closer look at a BMW. There is a lot to be said for a name. Chrysler is the manufacturer; Sebring is the model.

Let me drive it home...Josh is the model and Smith is the manufacturer. Josh has parents that had a reputation long before he fell from the family tree.

The point is, when you buy a car, you put some consideration into who made that particular model. You don’t just discount the manufacturer.

The same goes for dating. How will you research the background of those who “made” Josh who he is today? How do find evidence of self-control, dependability, good decision-making and compassion? Are those options or standard features that come with every model?

Next time you meet someone, put a bit of time into finding out who produced this hot-rod. You might find the lug-nut doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Thoughts?

Mama j

http://www.DatersEd.com

Reflector Reminder

2010-04-20T15:06:00.001-07:00

Thump, thump, thump, thump….such a rhythmic reminder. I just love those little reflectors in the middle of the road that let me know I need to pay attention. Small but effective, I seem to snap right out of the trance I am in - instantly aware of how far I have drifted over the line. How many “thumps” does it take for such a gentle nudge to bring me back to reality?

“Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out! Cut it out!” Maybe not as gentle but certainly enough to recognize that you have crossed a boundary. Are you constantly teasing her about her laugh? Are you nagging him repeatedly about being on time? Do you feel that little “thump” on the back of your head when you tick someone off? Pay attention! There are people around you that your words and actions have an effect on. It shouldn’t take five or six warnings for you to realize that you have crossed the line.

Here is the question: when you do finally wake up, does your apology come in the form of an immediate correction back to your own lane and a humble hand wave to the other person you offended? Or do you respond with a different kind of hand gesture because someone honked the horn when you ran him off the road? Who’s at fault here?

In the world of relationships…especially dating, the apology comes in the form of sincere recognition that you have stepped over the line and that you won’t do that again. Accept responsibility; be humble and authentic. Let those little reflective “thumps” set you straight once and for all. Otherwise, the next “thump” might be painful.

Thoughts?

Mama j

Dating Curve

2010-02-03T07:27:00.001-08:00

Ortega Highway – one of the most beautiful roads in North America and one of the most dangerous. The 25-mile drive over the mountain pass has breathing taking views followed by some of the most treacherous curves I’ve ever experienced.

No matter how often I drive this splendid piece of pavement, I will never be able to predict what is on the other side of that curve. Yesterday, it was another victim.

I hear it all the time, “I should have seen it coming.” No, I’m not talking about the unexpected circular bend in the road but a devastating curve in a relationship: an affair.

We get complacent and relaxed after we travel down the same road day in and day out assuming we know all the curves that could prove to be hazardous. We think we know every inch of the road and feel confident we can handle it. Then one day, the curve throws you…another curve, something or someone you never saw coming.

The fact is all the signs were there, plenty of advanced warning wearing neon yellow. How did you miss this? Friends and family warned you over and over but still you were clueless as you came around the corner of clarity. Too late to choose another more predictable route. Too late to prepare for what was around the bend. Too late to slam on the brakes and save your relationship from certain death.

Here is what I have learned – the curves will always be a threat. You can’t remove them on the road of relationships. You can however pay attention to the signs and recognize that some roads are much safer than other. Roads lined with self-control and integrity, not roads lined with self-satisfaction and deceit.

How often does the scenic route become the path of despair? Is there a relationship route that will guarantee faithfulness? Maybe the best we can do is to map out our journey and see if there might be a straight road to travel with a little less excitement perhaps but a better chance of survival.

Thoughts?

Mama j

Black Ice Dating

2010-01-03T09:17:00.000-08:00

I hope she makes it home safely. It’s snowing and the roads are covered with ice. She isn’t a very experienced driver at 17 but I still let her journey out into the tundra praying she wouldn’t hit a sheet of black ice that looks like dry pavement.

Did I tell her how to respond to a skid? Should she turn the wheel with the skid or against it? Was this covered in Driver’s Ed or is it simply “learn as you go?”

How do parents teach their teens everything there is to know about driving conditions and dating relationships? Both roads lead to hazardous situations that we can’t predict. Both driving and dating can go from safe to scary in 47 seconds flat. Will my daughter be able to use her head to avoid disaster or will she be frozen with fear. Will my son recognize that he is accelerating at a dangerous speed and know to slow down?

Just because we aren’t sitting in the seat beside you doesn’t mean we stop instructing you on driving conditions. How often then should we be addressing the manner in which you are handling your relationships?

My daughter may have passed Driver’s Ed but every day is another test. Maybe I have drilled “cautious dating” into her head a thousand times but every day will be a new opportunity for her to get that right or wrong.

Weather and traffic conditions prompt us to remind our teens to be safe on the roads every single day. How often should we evaluate our teen’s relationship safety and recognize that dry pavement could be black ice? Do you know how to avoid a catastrophic skid?

Thoughts,

mama j

Enough is Enough

2009-12-03T09:50:00.000-08:00

Dead battery? Fuel pump? Distributor cap? Why the heck won’t my car start?!

Standing next to my car, dead in the back of a dark parking lot, I was examining my options. Push it. Tow it. Leave it.

There comes a point when you have to decide how much more you will invest. Do the pros outweigh the cons? Have you really examined whether or not you would be better off starting fresh? Have you taken a close look at the value of what you are investing in?

The facts don’t lie but it isn’t always that simple. A good car should give you many miles of a smooth ride. A good relationship should do the same. Sure, there will be repairs needed along the way but for the most part, the headaches (and heartaches) should be few and far between; the recovery time short and sweet.

Each one of us has a limit – a point at which we know that it is time to move on. Sometimes looking back, we find that we put ourselves through far more agony than we needed to before cutting our losses.

Maybe it makes sense to decide BEFORE the next breakdown how much more you will endure instead of deciding in the midst of a crisis. Use your head. Write it down. Sign the commitment to follow through while you are calm and composed, not when you are faced with making an immediate emotional decision.

When is enough, enough? Set the limit and decide today.

Though,

Mama j

Technology Trap

2009-10-19T08:33:00.000-07:00

Run a red light, even burnt orange in California and a high-tech camera takes a picture of your license plate so that the police department can send you a ticket. Crazy. No officer within miles. The camera doesn’t lie. Laws are enforced. Technology can sometimes be your worst enemy. You were dead wrong when you thought you wouldn’t get caught.

Recently, a young man in our town thought he wouldn’t get caught either; “sexting” two underage girls didn’t just leave tangible evidence on the cells phones but could possibly prove “without a shadow…” While police officers assumed the identity of the two girls, he chose to “run that red light.” When he thought no one was watching, technology turned him in.

Right now, you may be conjuring up excuses in your mind as your defense, “But I was late for work!” “The guy in front of me did it!” “She gave me the green light to text her!” Bottom line, there is no excuse that will get you out of this one. You can hire the best lawyer around and chances are you’re still going to pay. The ticket? $150.00. The sexting? 15 years. Busted, no do over. This IS the age of technology. Use it wisely.

Thoughts?

mama j

Best Choice

2009-10-12T11:40:00.000-07:00

What do you mean you bought us a car?!

Here we stood in the driveway, my sister and I staring and the Army Green (and rust) Plymouth Satellite clunker completely dumbfounded.

That is NOT what we had in mind. How could our dad go so completely wrong in his choice for the perfect car for my sister and me to share? What happened to the red Italian Spider convertible?

I made the same mistake when I chose the “perfect” boy for my daughter to be friends with at school. On the outside, he was clean and well put together. He came from a great “line” and had all the “options” built in: polite, talented, good grades and of course…cute. I knew what she needed; I had parental wisdom.

My daughter wanted nothing to do with him. That was not her first pick (or 247th pick either for that matter.)

Time would tell. And what it told me is that I can’t force my kids to like something (or someone) no matter how hard I try. Their individual taste is out of my control; I couldn’t make my daughter like scallops, the color pink and especially the friends I had chosen for her. Did I really believe I could make her fall in love with the car I had in mind or date the adorable “boy next door” someday? Not going to happen.

As it turned out, the boy I wanted her to be friends with ended up being, well, scary. My dad’s choice in cars? Ditto.

Maybe the lesson here is that as much as we (parents) THINK we know what our teens need or want without their input instead can prove to be a big mistake. Giving teens the room to choose with guidance, coaching, and a hint of research might have better results than expected. Asking your parents for their opinion could be just the perspective you need.

Thoughts?
Mama j.

She's so HOT!!!

2009-10-01T09:01:00.000-07:00

What could be better than driving a convertible in Southern California with the warm ocean breeze blowing your hair and the sun on your face? Sounds divine, right? Well, there is a point at which “hot” takes on a new meaning.

My car is adorable, metallic blue with a black top. The “idea” of driving this hot little car around town made me giggle with anticipation. The reality was, however, that this particular car has no air conditioning and on my first day of driving the temperature reached 105. Not fun. Trapped inside this sweatbox with no escape from the ball of fire in the sky turned my cute little ride into a torture chamber. I wondered why I didn’t just get out; the heat was relentless. Even complete strangers were looking at me with pity (and a touch of “are you NUTS?”).

For some of you, this might ring a bell – maybe not with a car but with a “hot” date. When you first saw her, she took your breath away. Three months later, that cute little chassis was tormenting you with “heat” you were not counting on. Nagging, controlling, belittling heat. And yet, you sat there suffering through the agony as if you had no other choice, as if you were locked inside this relationship with no escape.

Here’s the big news flash – in any car (or relationship), the locks are on the inside and there is a way out. It was by choice that I stayed and put up with the heat. Not a smart choice, by the way. Right there in front of me were much cooler options: air conditioned restaurants with cold iced tea, the mall with cool air and a roof to block the sun, home, with a frig and hammock.

Even if I simply pulled over, parked the car, got out and sat alone under a tree I would have been better off. There is a point at which each of us decides we can no longer take the heat. What does your temperature gauge read?

Thoughts?

Mama j

Repo-Man

2009-09-07T09:42:00.000-07:00

I had the “opportunity” to drive a car that was being repossessed. A friend gladly loaned me the car so that it would be “off the radar” when the Repo-Man came to their house to haul the vehicle away.

Great idea; park it in a different place every night, always watch to see if you are being followed and make sure you don’t drive alone just in case a big-bad-man with the bald head and missing teeth asks you to step out of the car.

Many teens have “ex’s” that pursue them the same way a Repo-Man would follow a car owner who is avoiding payment. These stalkers are often hiding around the corner, under-cover and determined to get what they came for.

As a parent, this would top the list as one of the biggest fears I have for my children. The reality is, as a teen, you don’t have to necessarily be in a relationship with the Repo-Man for him to pursue you. He may just be on the hot trail to steal you away regardless of any enticement or influence. That’s bad enough. But what if you have been in a relationship with a girl or guy that insists on getting you back? Period. No discussion, no dissuasion, no discouragement.

While getting the real Repo-Man to back off when the property he wants does not belong to him, being stalked by an old boyfriend or girlfriend is not only frightening, it is simply unacceptable. There is a reason and a warning when the Repo-man is about to take back your vehicle. There is no good reason and very little warning when an individual decides to target you personally.

The fact is, you probably won’t get a letter in the mail or a phone call giving you the head’s up. You may not know it’s coming. You probably won’t even know you are being watched. But others will.

So, if someone mentions that a girl is obsessed with you or some boy is aggressively pursuing you, then listen. That might be the only “notice” you get and the price is too high to ignore the warning.

Thoughts?
Mama j

Too Good to be True

2009-08-10T06:40:00.000-07:00

My husband and I went to a lovely wedding last week. Over 200 people dancing and celebrating the beginning of what we all hope will be a beautiful marriage. The food would have made Martha Stewart proud and the music kept my toes tappin’ in my “too-tight-wedding-only” shoes.

At one point the DJ asked all married couples to please make their way past the dessert table to the dance floor. As the couples young and old began to slow dance, the DJ would intermittently ask each pair to leave the floor if they had been married less than one year, two years, five years…you get the idea.

Each year was like a mile marker than flashed through my mind as a representation of how far we had come. Settling into year one, just getting comfy. Year three, a bump (called a baby boy) was a bit of a surprise but did not take us off course. Year seven marked the beginning of some restlessness and cloudy days. Year eleven, refreshed and working together to get where we want to go.

When I decided to take this relationship journey with my husband, we took a road and a route unique to use. We would have good days, bad days and all those in between but without those many miles, we would not be where we are to today – well seasoned travel companions.

The twenty-one years we have been together are counted in years not months. As important as the first months were to find compatibility, they are not the measurement of how far we have come.

When teens meet their “dream date” and start planning a wedding after six weeks, I respond with the wisdom that I have gained on this relationship journey. “It’s not too GOOD to be true, it’s too SOON to be true.”

Let me know when you get to mile marker #53.

Thoughts?

mama j

My goose is cooked!

2009-07-13T08:50:00.000-07:00

So a teenage girl in our community was pulled over yesterday for speeding. She had two girls that she was babysitting for in the backseat taking notes. They are nine and six years old. Nice. Then, my neighbor calls to say some teenager leaving my house was driving so fast that he almost hit a flock of geese.

First, let's talk about the speeding thing. If you break the speed limit " just a little bit," are you really breaking the law? If you break your curfew "just a little bit," are you really breaking the rules? Do you think other parents will trust you to be driving or dating their teen if they can't trust you to follow the rules?

And then there is the eye witness thing. You just never know who has you under surveillance and is assuming you will be on the 11:00 news. Whose little eyes are watching you and learning about "obeying the rules?" What adult eyes are following your every move and not afraid to turn you in when they get the chance?

See, you can break driving laws and you can break dating rules; it's your prerogative. But that car door swings both ways. It is, in fact, the prerogative of my neighbors to pick up the phone and report what they witnessed from their front porch. And those little girls in the back seat? Do you think you aren't going to be the topic of conversation at the dinner table? Speeding may not be on your driving record but how do you know it didn't damage your personal record?

Before you go racing off into the sunset with the wind in your hair and your date riding shotgun, you might want to check your speedometer before your goose is cooked.

Thoughts?

mama j

Blinker Stinker

2009-06-29T07:48:00.000-07:00

So I’m heading to the grocery store four short miles away and I end up behind what I call a “Blinker Stinker,” a person that does not believe in using their turn signal.

Blinker Stinkers have a communication issue; their bad road manners are probably second only to their unwillingness to share useful information. Using a turn signal is not as much for your benefit as for the benefit of those following you. Isn’t it nice to let someone else in on the secret of where you are headed? If you want to change direction, fine, that’s your prerogative. When you are in your car, you have the choice to let the rest of the drivers know where you are going by the simple flip of a switch.

In dating, the switch is right next to your lip. Communicate. Did you tell her you made other plans for Saturday night? Did you tell him you invited your best friend to go to the concert instead of him? Courtesy means giving someone plenty of notice, the sooner the better. Don’t just slam on the brakes and head west with no warning – that’s rude, disrespectful and can be very painful.

Blinker Stinkers are typically either self-centered or clueless, neither of which would look good on a dating resume. Are you a Blinker Stinker?

Thoughts?
Mama j

Possession Obsession

2009-06-22T06:15:00.000-07:00

Bucket of suds and an over-sized sponge – what a way to spend Father’s Day – washing and waxing your most prized possession. Have you ever been curious about people who obsess over their cars? What drives them to spit-polish the mirror every time they go for a spin. Or spend 2 hours with an Oral B toothbrush cleaning the rims.

Makes you wonder how they would be on a date. What if you had a piece of spring leaf lettuce in your teeth at lunch? Or the sweater you were wearing was hanging slightly crooked? I can just envision an uninvited adjustment to make all things perfect…at least visually.

When someone is that fixated on the condition of something, is it possible to ever relax enough to simply enjoy the “something?”

Maybe before you venture into a relationship with an individual, it would be a good idea to pull up a chair in the driveway and watch this potential date wash their car before you end up as the object of their "possession obsession."

Thoughts?
Mama j

Under Insured

2009-06-07T18:36:00.000-07:00

Have you looked at the bill for your car insurance lately? Every month, I like to rip the bill open with thrilling expectation in the hopes that my insurance company is going to throw in cruise tickets with the premium I pay for my teens. Nope.

Is there any doubt why teen insurance is two and a half times that of your parents? Reckless abandon with a splash of false immortality – that’s how some teens drive.

So here’s a question for you, how many opportunities do you have in a week to crack your windshield, hit a mailbox or worse, get in a car accident? Plenty, right? Then how much more likely is it that you have a “relationship accident?” Think about the opportunity you have every day to make a “wrong turn” when it comes to the opposite sex. What do you think your parent’s should be willing to pay for “dating insurance” to give them the peace of mind that their little darling is not going to be in a relationship wreck this month?

Hey! Maybe I’m onto something! A new business idea; I can sell “dating insurance” to cover all the hazards of teen dating. The list could include everything from failing grades to excessive cell phone bills. It would be comprehensive coverage that insured migraines, dating under the influence, pregnancy, harassment and even time off of school for “repair and restoration.”

The best part? I would throw in a “loaner date” when the one you invested in broke down and isn’t going anywhere.

Thoughts?
mama j

Give Me a Brake!

2009-05-26T05:59:00.000-07:00

“That should solve your braking problem, ma’am,” as he handed me a bill for $260 bucks. I paid the bill and wondered if this would be a permanent fix – yea, right.

Last week, I almost rear-ended another car when my brakes failed. Apparently, the brake pads need to be changed more than say, once in a lifetime.

So this got me thinking about “brakes” and dating. How many times a month, week, day do you consciously (or unconsciously) use your brakes in a relationship? Do you stop short of saying what’s on your mind? Keep yourself from accepting an invitation to trouble? Bring an unhealthy relationship to a dead stand still?

Here is what I know; it has to be your OWN foot that hits the brake – not the other guy. Your brain sends a message to your body to act on the fact that braking is necessary in that moment. If you choose not to respond to that message, you are apt to regret it. When you fail to use your brakes, the police officer doesn’t give you a break on the ticket, right? So why do you expect to get a break when you choose not to brake in a relationship?

After you have been driving for a while, braking is instinctive. How long do you have to date someone before you have a safe braking response that just comes naturally – without a thought?

Thoughts?
Mama j

Mama j moment

2009-05-19T11:57:00.001-07:00

Mother's Day Moment

2009-05-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

Hmmm…What does your mom want for Mother’s Day?

After careful consideration, there is only one thing I truly want as a mom – for my kids to be safe and healthy. I took care of the healthy part years ago by cooking pot-roast in the crock pot instead of aluminum foil. Now, I only worry about their safety.

It started well before they were born. Prenatal vitamins, safety locks on the cupboards and a crib with rails that was FDA approved. Now, their safety is much less controllable; will my teen driver be safe on the road? Will my teen dater chose someone who will protect her heart, body and soul? Will my son drive recklessly or date recklessly?

The box of Elmo Band-Aids has faded and gathered dust over the years. I remember when a scraped knee or broken bone was my biggest daily concern. Now, there is no box of bandages big enough to patch up the fears we have as moms of teens. All we ask is that our babies travel the safest possible road and guard their lives at every turn.

What does your mom really want for Mother’s Day? The chance to tell you one more time to go slowly and look both ways…

Thoughts?
mama j

Curb Your Emotions

2009-05-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

My neighborhood doesn’t have curbs. I’m not sure who decides whether or not to add curbs to the side of the road but regardless, it is pretty easy to tell when you have crossed the line; the feeling is completely different and it’s easy to lose control.

Curb. That is one of those words that sounds weird when you say it more than once. By definition, it means to “restrain, hold back, limit, control.”

If you’ve ever “accidentally” hit a curb, you are familiar with the jolt of the correction. Immediately, you are set back on course. No curb and it’s up to you to get back on course.
When I hear, “Curb your emotions,” I picture a little concrete wall that keeps me from getting out of line. Unfortunately, those little curbs are just that…little. Easy to jump and disregard.

So here’s a question, if you jump the curb and hit a tree, do you blame the city for not installing curbs? Maybe you blame the tree. If you lose your temper and damage a relationship, do you blame your parents for not “curbing your emotions?” Or maybe you just blame the person you damaged. Ouch.

Thoughts?
Mama j

Front End Alignment

2009-04-27T05:25:00.000-07:00

My car keeps pulling to the left. If I let go of the wheel on a straight road right now, I will end up in a ditch. I’m guessing I need an adjustment. It is amazing how a little tweak of 1 or 2 degrees can make all the difference in the world.

It’s not just my car that needs the adjustment. More often that not, it’s me. Just a little tiny shift in tone, facial expression or word choice can make or break a relationship. I’m not talking about a radical overhaul – I’m talking about the compounding effects of the small choices over time. Get an oil change or not. Compliment her or not. Check the tires or not. Respect him or not.

Small but mighty, an alignment of positive choices over time will be the determining factors that will point to where you are in years to come - with or without a car, with or without a relationship.

Thoughts?
mama j

Awesome Author and Teen Coach - Justin Sachs

2009-04-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

I’d like to introduce you to Justin Sachs who is the author of a new book, Your Mailbox Is Full and is the founder of the Creating Possibilities Coaching Program in which Justin helps teenagers to increase their grades, eliminate procrastination, and create balance in all the areas of their life.

1. What do you do?
I work with teenagers to increase their grades, eliminate procrastination, create balance in their lives, and overcome any obstacles standing in their way of success.
2. Tell us about your new book.
Your Mailbox Is Full is a book for teenagers, that teaches them the tools they need to become successful in school and throughout their lives. They learn things like goal setting, time management, living a healthy lifestyle, and modeling and attracting success.
3. Why did you write it?
When I was 14 years old I went to my first Tony Robbins Seminar and I was in a room full of thousands of adults thinking, “Where’s all the teenagers?” “Why aren’t other youth here getting these powerful tools and strategies?” It was with that realization that I found my passion: Empowering teenagers with life-skills and leadership development tools for success. That’s what my book is all about: Teaching youth the most powerful skills they need to know to create enormous success and fulfillment in life! Now, teenagers don’t have to wait until they are 30 or 40 to get these tools and strategies, they are available to them within Your Mailbox Is Full.
4. What makes you an expert in your field?
After going to Anthony Robbins seminars for 3 years, I began working for his product sales team and non-profit organization at all his events worldwide. I then began working for Mark Victor Hansen, the co-founder of Chicken Soup for the Soul Series, and learned even more about life-skills, writing a book, and supporting people in bringing possibility into their lives. I then read everything I could get my hands on from The Secret, to Jack Canfield, to Stephen Covey, to Eckart Tolle, among many others. I learned everything I possibly could about personal development and transformation such that I can now create transformation in others!
5. What type of people should read your book?

The book is designed for teenagers and young adults, but parents throughout the country are reading the book and loving every page! The contents of the book are limitless, this is the perfect book for anyone looking to take their lives to the next level, especially youth!
6. Are you on any social networks? Eg. Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn
Yes, on www.Twitter.com/JustinSachs or http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=511068642
7. Advice for Teens or Parents of Teens
Follow your passions and never give up on your dreams! If you have a goal, a vision, or a hope for the future, hold on to it, focus on it, and take action to make it happen! You’ll be amazed at how quickly your dreams will manifest themselves when energy is focused on them.
8. Favorite Quote
Every day, every week and every month, you must challenge yourself to continue to grow to new heights and to take your standards to higher and higher levels. ~ Justin Sachs
9. Favorite Theme Park
Walt Disney World of course!!!
10. How can we purchase your book? Learn more about you? Do you have a blog?
My book is available on my website: www.YourMailboxIsFullBook.com To learn more about my coaching services visit www.JustinSachsOnline.com and be sure to check out my new radio show at www.MotivationalMindsRadio.com

Full Body Wash Please

2009-04-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

High School Prom was last night. Today, thousands of pictures will be posted on Facebook displaying some of the cleanest most well dressed teens money can buy. Prom is once a year; it’s a lot of work but the results are astounding. They are so clean and shiny!

I was so inspired, I paid $5.00 for a car wash today. I didn’t know my car was silver! Thought it was brown. Before the bath, the inside looked like I still have toddlers in tow – gum wrappers, one shoe, and a foreign substance that might be worth patenting as “super-glue.”

I like when my car is clean. I like when my friends are clean. Going without a car wash daily when you live on a dirt road is acceptable but I haven’t found a good reason for people to go without bathing every day. Call me a fussy. Call me controlling. But don’t call me if you haven’t showered this week. I’m not interested. You don’t have to look like you are waiting for Prom to use shampoo and a little soap.

Remember, you make an impression EVERY day, not just on special occasions.

Thoughts?
mama j

Smokin' Hot!

2009-04-13T05:09:00.000-07:00

A recent question was submitted to TrustMyMechanic.com about how to troubleshoot car exhaust smoke.

The reader asked, “My car frequently smokes from the tailpipe; does this mean I need an engine overhaul?”

I don’t know about you, but whenever I see smoke, it usually isn’t a good sign, (unless I’m roasting marshmallows over a bonfire.)

Let’s think about this for a minute. Just imagine heading out to the car lot shopping for your new ride. You find one that in your words is “smokin’ hot” and ask to take it for a test drive. With keys in hand, you hop in and turn on the ignition. You rev the engine a bit and billows of smoke engulf the car. What is your first reaction? Impressed? Deep down in your gut do you have the feeling that maybe there is something wrong here? (Ok, maybe you will know just by the hacking, choking sensation.)

Just the fact that a reader had to ask the question indicates that for the most part, smoke is not a healthy sign – for a car or a date. I agree that it doesn’t necessarily mean a complete overhaul is needed but no question, there is an issue that needs to be addressed.

Call me crazy, but I would bet that most dealerships trying to “sell” a vehicle would make sure that before the car goes out onto the lot, it is smoke-free. Something tells me it would be a much harder sell when the driver has to hold his nose with one hand and frantically wave the smoke away with the other. Not a good first impression…or second for that matter.

Thoughts?
mama j

Age Shouldn’t Matter

2009-04-06T17:48:00.000-07:00

My car had a birthday recently and is now five years old. Sounds young but in “car years” the Olds is more than just obsolete. By advertising “2004” if I decided to get rid of this car, I would be hard pressed to get many “lookers.” Age matters.

I had a birthday recently, too. A friend was commenting on the year we were both born and I responded, “Age doesn’t matter!” Not a true statement.

Let’s be honest. Anyone out there looking for a dating relationship knows that age is one of the biggest obstacles in marketing yourself. That number will instantly place you in a category that you may or may not choose to be a part of…voluntarily. It’s just the way it is. Try to pass for 30 when you are 50 and chances are you will get a rejection letter or two.

So how does that apply when at 17 years old you are head over heels with a 25 year old? Age doesn’t matter? Do you justify the age gap with a list of reasons why this is a good idea? “She is really young for her age.” He is much more mature that his friends.” “She really doesn’t look that old.”

What if we use those lines when we take you shopping for your first car? “This car is in great shape for being so old.” “ This one has a lot more miles on it than the others I’ve found.” Does you want a brand new car but then you date a girl that has an odometer reading that spells “vintage?”

It is true that the older we get, the less an age gap will matter in a relationship. The seven-year difference between a 1969 Ford and a 1962 Ford is not as critical as say, a 2009 Ford and a 2002. Would you be willing to trade in the new car you got for your 16th birthday for a car that is six years older? Why not? Age shouldn’t matter.

Thoughts?
mama j

Bank of Dad or Money Mommy?

2009-03-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

Janet Bodnar, Deputy Editor of Kiplinger’s Personal Finance magazine recently addressed the new “pre-paid debit card” for kids. In her interview, she explains how easy it is to put money on the card in advance for teens to have access to funds without carrying cash around. Cool, huh?

Whether or not you want one of these cards, an interesting question does come to mind when parents extend the privilege of both dating and driving and who funds the excursions.

We are a credit culture and kids have grown accustomed to seeing “the card” used at the grocery store, the movie theatre and the pump. What exactly is the message we are sending you when no cash is actually passing through our fingers, let alone yours?

I remember going out with friends when I was in High School and the dreaded “ask” for money from my parents before bouncing out the door in pigtails clutching my macramé purse. They gave me cash. Cold hard cash. I had worked hard for that money sweeping the garage and doing dishes. These green bills came at a very dear price and once they were gone, I was on my own…until the next chore was done.

Financial responsibility in driving or dating is inevitable. Your car will beg for gas. You will beg a new pair of pants. You will beg for movie tickets. How long are your parent’s arms and how deep are their pockets? An even better question might be, “are you really grateful for the privilege of driving and dating when the funds are unlimited and there are no strings attached?" Maybe time with “Chris” isn’t worth the price of a movie ticket…when it’s your money. Hmmm?

Thoughts?
mama j

More than "One Way"

2009-03-16T06:07:00.000-07:00

Panic, confusion, revelation. You can’t believe this is happening and yet the signs were there, larger than life. “One Way” with a big fat arrow. No mistake, just a touch of arrogance and carelessness that landed you in this predicament.

What now? How do you turn around and go back the right way? People stop and stare with a blend of judgment, pity and recognition on their faces – they’ve seen others do the same. They know how you got there and with a glance of “I told you so” they watch to see what you will do.

Relationships have rules just like driving. You can ignore the rules with the confidence and ignorance that you know a faster, easier or better way to get where you think you want to go only to find yourself facing the masses heading in the other direction. What do they know that you have not yet figured out? What makes you think you can break the rules and not end up in a predicament?

If you want to be creative, different and not follow the traffic of people that obey the signs, you will have to pay the consequences. Sure, you might get away with it a time or two when no one else is around but eventually, you will end up in a jam. There are rules of the road. Do you want to end up going the wrong way down a clearly marked one-way street? There is still time to turn around.

Thoughts?
mama j

Plan to Fail

2009-03-08T09:20:00.000-07:00

Imagine going to Driver’s Ed and the instructor never leaves his desk, hands you the car keys and says, “I don’t have anything planned for today, do whatever you want.” Would you feel like you are getting the practice, education and exposure you need to be a responsible driver? Why then do you walk out the door to go on a date with no agenda, no plan and no idea what you are supposed to be learning?

Segment Two in Driver’s Ed is all about the experience…with supervision. A healthy, fully developed adult brain over the age of 25 is sitting right there in the seat beside you, the jittery teen, making sure your emotions don’t run you into the neighbor’s mailbox. The goal is to expose you to every possible driving scenario with an instructor that will equip you for the open road on your own someday. What are the tools we can give you that will help you to learn to drive or date more intentionally? Is it all in the head knowledge and everything can be taught from a book? Or do we buckle you up and allow you to safely experience some of the thrills and fears of the actual hours logged?

There is a great quote that sheds light on the pathway to responsibility when it comes to both dating and driving. “If you fail to plan, plan to fail.” These words of wisdom only work when put into action. What plan do you have in place to make your dating exposure have the best possible outcome?

Thoughts?
mama j

Under Construction

2009-03-01T19:19:00.000-08:00

What’s up with perpetual construction on the freeways? Orange barrels dented and thumped from months of standing guard as the watchmen for the never-ending asphalt trucks and busy workers. Don’t they ever rest? Nope.

Freeways are high maintenance – so are some dates. Have you ever noticed how a particular boyfriend or girlfriend seems to be “under construction” for months, even years at a time? What’s up with that? Every few feet there is another blatant warning that you will encounter a slowdown or bottleneck in the flow of your relationship. You find yourself exhausted from a constant state of “alert” and white-knuckling for hours on end. In an honest moment, you tell yourself it’s just not the way the trip was supposed to be. And yet you drive on not knowing where it will end.

Here’s the good news. There is always another way. Always. You do not have to go down that road. Sure, that was the plan but you don’t have to wait until you have close encounter with rebar and wire mesh protruding from broken concrete before taking the next exit. You can pick another route. Really, put on your turn signal and give it a try – you might actually find that you like the smoother, quieter option.

Thoughts?
mama j

Snowed - again

2009-02-22T15:42:00.000-08:00

Yesterday it snowed almost six inches in six hours. Cars in ditches everywhere. Freeway frenzy.

The funny part about blizzards is that it seems to bring out the best and the worst in people. On one hand, you have stressed out loved ones urging, pleading, even screaming about the impending doom. On the other hand, you have friends and neighbors leaving the cocoa on the counter to traverse the tundra just to push you out of a ditch.

There will be times in your dating relationship when everything goes white and you end up in a really tough spot completely helpless and dependent on others. So who do you call for help? Who do you have on speed dial that will give you relief not grief? Your parents who will hiss, “We told you not to go out!” Your brother or sister who wants to know “what’s in it for me?”

Here ‘s what I’ve learned. When your wheels are spinning and you are stuck all alone, take a minute to think about what got you there in the first place. Was this something you could have avoided if you had listened to the crowd of people that know you the best? Were they right in their prediction that this kind of thing was bound to happen?

Sure, this can happen to anyone without warning but most of the people I meet in the ditch had plenty of warning from those who could see the storm brewing. They just chose not to listen.
So go ahead and call your friends to push you out of the mess you’re in. But next time, turn up the volume and listen to the warnings you ignored the last time.

Thoughts?
mama j

Are you guilty of "datejacking?"

2009-02-14T20:20:00.000-08:00

I don't ever remember having to worry about someone wanting to steal my car. It was a 1971 Army green Plymouth Satellite with a custom dirt and rust camouflage pattern. Most people took one look and either laughed or gave me a pitiful look that read "Oh, you poor sweet girl! Driving that piece of junk will really ruin your reputation from which you will never recover."

Even if I had owned a little red convertible, I doubt I would have been worried about carjacking. It just didn't happen back then. We didn't put the roof up much less lock the car doors. Now, you have to "Club" your steering wheel just to drop something in the mail box.

Carjacking is basically stealing something that doesn't belong to you. It is an intentional override of boundaries, morals and good judgment. If you think about it, teen relationships often follow the same thought process. Maybe Josh didn't care that Kristin "belonged" to his best friend. Abby was just waiting for an opportunity to steal Tyler when Jamie wasn't looking.

Carjacking may be terrifying in the moment but as long as you come away unharmed, you are one lucky soul. "Datejacking," on the other hand is often devastating to a teenager far beyond filing a police report, especially if they go to school with the perpetrators.

Do you consider "datejacking" a crime?

Thoughts?
mama j

Michigan potholes

2009-02-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

I talked with a high school student today who had a bit of difficulty with her car after hitting a pothole. I was expecting her to tell me that she got a flat tire but the damage was well beyond repair. It seems she broke the axle and the tire was lying on its side like a boneless chicken! Tough to drive that way, I'm sure.

Kind of reminds me of when couples hit a bump or pothole in their relationship. Maybe she caught him looking at another girl. Maybe he found out she was at the movies with friends when she said she was home sick. Maybe, there was a crater-sized lie that was uncovered.

Potholes in dating might only send your sunglasses flying across the dashboard or on the other hand, cause enough damage to total the relationship. Here's the point; you have to watch where you're going. From your perspective, the hazard might look like a pretty insignificant flaw. To your date, it might be more than enough to deflate any hope of reconciliation.

It is pretty easy to take a smooth ride for granted until we come to that place along the road that jars every notion of comfort. Be alert and avoid potholes. They can really change the mood.

Thoughts?
mama j

Fan the flames

2009-02-02T06:57:00.000-08:00

Now, I have nothing against beautiful artwork - even if it is on a human being. Clothing styles, hair styles and even manicures can and are used to reflect of individuality. Even tattoos can be well done...In my opinion. What I recognize however, is that not everyone likes what I like. We all have different tastes and appreciation for a variety of art forms.

Let's look at tattoos as an example. You can tattoo just about any part of your body with a plethora of images, graphics, colors and shapes. You can permanently represent a family member, a football team, a flower or a gang sign. Regardless of what you choose to display on your skin, others will judge you based on that artwork. It changes who you are. It can't be helped. The problem is, it doesn't wash off.

So how do you that the tattoo you have your mind set on is a good choice? What research have you done? Do you know if your first interview for a job will end abruplty when the CEO sees your "sleeve" peeking out from under your shirt? Have you Googled the iguana you have chosen to see if it is the symbol of a drug cartel in Columbia?

This is not like an ugly green dress that makes you look fat or a haircut that causes people to gasp. Tattoos are permanent. What would happen if you had a practice run instead of the real deal? Maybe a really good fake "mock-up" that could give you a glimpse of the response before it's too late? Take a poll, get a survey, have people anonymously send you a note that describes their reaction. How would that change your decision?

I once had a boyfriend break up with me over a haircut. How many girls or guys will erase you from the potential "date list" when you come to school sporting flames. Other kids might think is cool to look at but that doesn't mean they'd date you.

Lots of people think the flames on this van are cool to see but if you had to choose one car - would it be this one? Your marketability is now next to nothing. Good luck.

Thoughts?
mama j

Rear view caught on film

2009-01-25T18:46:00.000-08:00

NPR News had a great picture of a concept car from Japan that has replaced the rearview mirrors with little cameras that look like flashlights pointing backward. The cameras are always on.

Think about that for a minute. What if your entire past was on film? Everywhere you'd been, everything you had done...caught on tape. Every time you looked in the "rearview" mirror at past relationships, it was permanently burned into film? All the stupid stuff you said and did caught in a timeless stream of conviction for you to proudly show your next date. Bummer.

When I look in my rearview mirror, I sure hope what I was trying to leave behind is getting smaller...not being played on the big screen.

"Cut! Edit! Take 2!"

Thoughts?
mama j

Teens-Do you believe this to be true?

2009-01-21T07:41:00.001-08:00

Looking for love?

2009-01-18T12:52:00.000-08:00

It’s all about the numbers. A daily chart in the article about car ownership states that “LUXEMBOURG'S roads are jammed with 647 cars for every 1,000 people, the highest ownership rate in the world.”

Pretty scary statistic but not as crazy as the number of teens in our local high school.

With over 2,400 single, available teens in our High School alone, each student has about 1,200 members of the opposite sex to choose from daily. You can pick someone based on hair color, height, intellect, sports activity or even by lunch hour. You will have a hard time exhausting all the options. But if you do, you can always head to the football games and meet another thousand options from the rival school. Sweet!

Or is it? The problems with using school as a dating service are many:
1. Where is their past accident report?
2. What happens when you break up and you have to see them everyday in math class?
3. How do you make after school romantic when you just spent a whole day together in school?

Truth is, it’s so easy and comfortable at school that the effort that should go into getting to know another person is complete eliminated. No need to go to out to lunch, have a hot lunch at school with him. No need to drive over to her house when you can just walk to her locker. Why would you carry her books when books are online?

Dating is supposed to involve some participation on both sides. Let him call you and ask you out, don’t text message him in Brit Lit. How about a homemade Valentine instead of giving him a candy heart that says “U Rock” out of the box as you stand their eating the rest in front of him. That’s SO romantic!

Let me ask you this, if true love is graded on how much effort you put into your school-day-dating, what is your GPA?

Thoughts?
mama j

Filthy Filters

2009-01-12T19:08:00.000-08:00

What exactly do air filters accomplish in a car? Well, they keep the junk that's in the atmosphere from getting into your engine. If your filters' dirty, that nasty stuff is getting in there.

I've met people that have that effect on others, especially couples who are dating. Let's say one is pretty scuzzy to be around. After a while, your filter gets clogged and next thing you know, their junk gets past your filter and you start behaving just like them.

Routine maintenance means you check under your own hood once in a while and take a close look at what is getting past the filter...and why.

Time for a replacement?

Thoughts?
mama j

Graduation gift

2009-01-04T19:55:00.000-08:00

Every teen's dream is to walk down the isle in their cap and gown after graduation and have their parents hand them the keys to a brand new car.

Most kids don't get a new car - most get a dependable used car if they are really lucky. And if they hit the jackpot, it will be a car that may be used but is have very few miles on it and is in close to perfect condition. Not the one with cigarette burns in the faded fabric and the muffler hanging by a thread.

In a recent car advice column in the Washington Post, an 83 year old grandmother was concerned about the safety of a car she wanted to give to her daughter for graduation. It had barely been driven and had been locked in her garage for several years. The advice was "Go for it!"

If you were a car, describe what kind of "mileage" you would have to disclose on your graduation day. Do you have dings and dents, peeling paint or worse, accidents to confess? What if you were given a car at graduation that matched your reputation? Would you be proud to hold those keys in your hand?

Thoughts?
mama j

New Year's Grieve

2008-12-29T06:56:00.000-08:00

Here is your math quiz for the day -

1. What is the likelihood of you crossing physical boundaries with your date when you have had one drink? How about two? Five?

The National Campaign this time of year is to keep teens from drinking and driving. Now, parents open their "finished basements" to boys and girls to have their own new Year's Eve party. Parents feel they are keeping their kids safe from an accident but in reality, teens now have the option of drinking and crossing physical boundaries and don't have to worry about wrecking their car in the process. How nice.

Here is your reality. You cross the lines, drinking and/or having sex and you can guarantee there will be a reason to grieve the next day. Hung-over? Vomit in your hair? Take a pregnancy test and that will lighten the mood. Guys, sit there with her while she waits for the results. They are your results too, remember?

Thoughts?
mama j

Bumby ride

2008-12-19T06:05:00.000-08:00

My car has been really giving me grief lately. Granted, it has 144,567 miles on it but I'm sure I have more miles than that and I run just fine!

It's the bumps. The ride just isn't smooth like I expect it to be. Yes, I've changed the shocks, struts, greased up the bearings, checked the axles and even tightened the spare tire below.

It's an aggravating clunk that reminds me of the way some people thud through the house like a ballerina with concrete shoes. These are the little things that happen over time; you begin to notice the irritating habits and quirks that just might make or break your relationship. "Should I just get rid of this old heap?"

Then, on a bad day, you do your research (the way you should have done before you put down a deposit!) and find that you could have had something that went along far more smoothly. Too late. Now you are stuck with a lemon.

So what is the lesson in all this? When you shop for your car, you do the research. The more thorough you are, the less chance you will have of winding up with a car you don't like. The other side of that is that maybe you are a tad bit too picky. The joy of any relationship (whether it be with a car or another person) might just be to recognize that there will be times when the ride isn't smooth in spite of your careful selection but that it is just part of the package and the package is still well worth keeping.

Thoughts?
mama j

Carfax

2008-12-09T05:46:00.000-08:00

"Sure does look purdy on the outside!"

How do you know by looking at a car what the condition is on the inside? I just took my son's car in for a very small leak of power steering fluid and $825.00 later, the damage was repaired.
Sometimes, the small problems turn out to be big ones if you aren't careful.

The smart thing to do before you fall in love with a car is to check with "Carfax" to see what evidence there is of accidents or failures. Chances are, that report will give you a green light if it's free of damage, a yellow light if you should proceed with caution but many times the light will be bright red and now you know you should walk away. Do you have the ability to think that clearly when it comes to relationships? Do your research!

Thoughts?
mama j

Speed Dating

2008-12-01T05:28:00.000-08:00

Kalamazoo Weekly has an article that reads like this, "Come meet someone special. Cupid.com/Predating is fun, no pressure way for busy professionals to meet. It's based on the incredibly hot, new way for singles to meet other singles with no rejection. Recent research shows that the chemistry between two people occurs within the first few minutes of meeting. With Cupid.com/predating you go on up to 12, six- minute dates in one evening. You can quickly determine who you would truly like to hear from again."

Cool! That sure takes the risk and guess work out of dating! And to think, the promise of no rejection. I wonder if there is a lifetime warranty on the rejection clause? Hmmmm?

Thoughts?
Mama j

Love Lost

2008-11-24T05:07:00.000-08:00

Auto Week says that Mitsubishi is planning to pull out of the Detroit Auto show.

I was thinking about the impact of these economic times and how it will effect teen dating. What would you do if your BF's or GF's family has to move to another state to find a job? How connected are you to not only your date, but their family?

Long distance relationships don't have a very high survival rate. Ask someone who has been there. How do you spend time together, will the phone and text messaging be enough?

Finding the "perfect one" and then not being able to see them can be heart wrenching but can also be an eye opening experience. The key is to look in those difficult moments at who you are with them and who you are without them. Are you the same? Better or worse? Stronger or weaker?

Losing love by circumstance can be the beginning of an entirely new journey. Just remember, there are many roads to the same destination.

Thoughts?
Mama j

The Perfect Date

2008-11-18T04:52:00.000-08:00

So you want to find the perfect date? What are you doing to look your best? Do you have everything nice and shiny on the outside but you aren't sure the inside is quite what it should be?
Here is the good news! If you are under the age of 25, modern science has discovered that chances are, your brain is still "under construction."

If you took this car off the assembly line right now, how far would you get without an engine, wheels or transmission? Keep in mind that other kids in your school are experiencing the same thing. It doesn't mean they are lemons, it just means that they might be missing some parts like compassion, wisdom or kindness. Maybe those are a bit further down the line and all it will take is time.

Resond,
Mama j

Define Dating...

2008-09-21T06:04:00.000-07:00

O.k. Let's face it. Not everybody thinks of dating in the same way.
You're the expert. How do you define dating?

Student comments ONLY! Best definition will win a signed copy of my book, Dater's Ed. Winner will be announced September 28th!